The man who shuns and fears everything and stands up to nothing becomes a coward; the man who is afraid of nothing at all, but marches up to every danger becomes foolhardy. Similarly the man who indulges in pleasure and refrains from none becomes licentious; but if a man behaves like a boor and turns his back on every pleasure, he is a case of insensibility. Thus temperance and courage are destroyed by excess and deficiency and preserved by the mean.
– Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics
Balance: The Name of the Game
Balance is key to bearing fruit. Too much rain and the roots rot, too little and the tree withers and dies. The same is true with almost everything else: courage (foolhardy to coward), pleasure (hedonist to killjoy), stress (lack of motivation to burn out), workouts (muscle atrophy to chronic fatigue), sleep (which has many of the same consequences on both sides of the spectrum of oversleeping to undersleeping).
I include the modifier “almost” because of one thing: love. Is there such a thing as too much love? Honest, legitimate, kind, true, steadfast love?
Notwithstanding, moderation is a key to living life well. But then we have the logistical question: what is too little or too much?
Where to Begin Finding the Zenith
For several centuries, … it was considered natural to experience pleasure when eating… [yet] essential to control one’s appetite and behaviour at the table, and to make meals a time for conviviality. Codifying table manners allowed for a managed fondness for food to be acceptable.
– Alimentarium
One of the reasons I enjoy this quote is because it explains the arena rather well, despite that it references the past in a way connoting that things are different now. I see little evidence of the connoted change; we’re certainly encouraged to enjoy our meals, but I can’t recall the last time it was acceptable, for example, to lick remnants of a meal off a plate at a restaurant. Taking a less extreme example, it’s not proper to eat extremely rapidly or with such flourish that it distracts other patrons. This is part of why some restaurants are adults only, despite the division the topic causes.
How do we know we’re in the right place with moderation?
Relationships
Many of us enjoy not only good food but sharing good food with good company. I prefer to not eat alone at restaurants because I feel like there’s something integral to the experience missing. Some people feel self-conscious about going out to eat alone; I don’t, I just don’t understand the point of it. There are exceptions (traveling, for example, or clearing your head may be greatly aided by a restaurant stop), but going to a restaurant just for the sake of going sounds to me like work.
Like many experiences, eating is best when accompanied by people we want to share our lives with. We pass the broccoli because we want to see the face someone makes when they try it blanched because they’ve only ever had it steamed. We break bread with friends because we want to share the experience with them.
Conviviality – the quality of being friendly and lively; friendliness.
– Oxford dictionary
One day, my Mom and I were off on a short road trip. I was in the driver’s seat, and she climbed in, talking as she was buckling. As I pulled out of the driveway, she victoriously held up two strawberry Pop-Tarts treats, perfectly toasted. Delighted, she bit into one hungrily and offered me the other. I politely declined, she attempted to politely insist, and I admitted to disliking strawberry flavoring. Her face fell: she’d been looking forward to sharing the experience with me. “It doesn’t taste that good anymore.”
If I’d known my refusal was going to cause that crestfallen experience, I’d’ve eaten it. Why? Because she turned from childlike giddiness to a host of negative emotions in under a second. Her excitement wasn’t over the pastry, rather, it was over sharing a pleasant experience with me.
This is good. This is right on target. We should look forward to pleasure not for our own sake, but for sharing the experience with others. Our focus should not be on the experience itself, but on the experience of those we’re with and on our growth with them.
Table Manners
This is a manifestation of the relationships discussion. Table manners are the result of people getting together to figure out a set of rules to encourage the fostering of relationships with people while also allowing us to enjoy our food. The basic principle is whether doing something will foster relationships with the others sharing your table or entice them to pull away.
For example, it’s impolite to speak while simultaneously chewing food. It’s better to wait until the morsel is swallowed, or, if small enough, tucked into the cheek. Why? Because the sound of chewing while talking can gross people out, as can the view of half-chewed food. Similarly, we may ask for something to be passed from the other end of the table to prevent the need to disturb another person’s personal space. It boils down to fostering our relationships with others by showing them consideration and kindness.
Tacking to Temperance
So how to we get there from here?
Again, it’s not about giving up pleasure entirely, but training ourselves to not be slaves to our passions. God wants us to experience pleasure, but He doesn’t want it to draw us away from Him. God gave pleasure to us in the first place; He wants it to bring us nearer to Him.
Jesus Provides an Example
For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon’; the Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds.
– Jesus in Matthew 11:18-19
This was part of our Gospel reading this morning. (Right on time.) The priest pointed out in the homily that Jesus was known for sitting down to eat with people: his first miracle was the wedding at Cana, fed thousands with five loaves and two fish (and then again with seven loaves), and even turned His Last Supper into an event to never be forgotten.
Jesus connects with His people with food. He was so well known for it that they called Him a glutton! Thankfully, we know better than those jealous of Him; He’s a perfect example for us, so connecting to people with food is good.
Now we can take the time to reflect:
– Homily on the Solemnity of Saint Lucy (today)
Why is the Eucharist the perfect meal to share fellowship with God on Earth?
Goldilocks Zone
So we know there’s too much, and we know there’s too little, but how do we know what’s just right?
Tacking.
It’s a sailing term used when you’re traveling against the wind. Basically, you have a target, but you have to go back and forth to reach it. While backwards in theory (in sailing, you know where you’re going but you have to use an indirect route to get there), it’s a great analogy. First, you go hard to starboard to find your best wind, then hard to port, and you work back from the two extremes.
In other words, once you’ve had one Thanksgiving meal where you ate so much you felt sick, you probably veered back and didn’t indulge quite so much the following year. It’s not that the food was any less delicious, but that you didn’t like the consequences. You found a boundary. Tack away.
Similarly, you’ve probably swung the other direction at some point. How long have you gone between meals before your stomach pitched a tantrum that left you doubled over? That’s also a not fun situation – another boundary. Tack back.
It can be the same with other things – personally going too far or not far enough – or we can accept guidance and not have to hit those railings ourselves. Regardless, we can get (back) on track wherever we are. Remember that you are loved, and let God help swing you back toward Him.
Summary
Gluttony is an extreme over-indulgence in something. There’s an extreme other end, never accepting pleasure, which is also dangerous. Temperance is in the middle there – our target – and allows us to enjoy ourselves by loving other people.
What do you think? What are your tips on fighting off gluttony, be it of food, shows, or other indulgences? How has temperance impacted you?
