The last several months, I’ve been focusing on myself as I’ve been trying to find work: my resumes, my cover letters, my interview preparation. I’ve had some delightful experiences where I got to get away from all that for a few hours at a time, to think about other people, enjoy other people, and celebrate other people, but it always seemed to end much too soon.
The last few days, despite working on launching this blog, I’ve actually been focusing on someone else: a friend applied for a job, and I asked to be a reference for her. For numerous reasons I won’t list here for privacy reasons, she’s perfect for the role, and I have personal experience granting me the personal knowledge of precisely how perfect she is for the position. She understood that I would know, but she seemed a little reluctant to list me as a reference; did I really mean to offer, or was I just being nice?
I don’t offer that sort of thing if I don’t mean it. What if someone took me up on it and I didn’t know what to say? Then we’d both look foolish. I’m not hanging my reputation on the expectation that the person will double-check with me before writing my name down as a reference.
I didn’t think it would take long: a few hours, maybe a full workday, to write up a one-page letter explaining why she should have the role. I would write about her strengths, what I learned from her, and how much of an impact she had on me as a direct result of us working together. Maybe I’d throw a joke in… on second thought, no – this is too important to risk that. I would definitely talk about how she deftly managed a super stressful situation that I felt responsible for without taking it out on me. Definitely going in there.
Then I get the email: it’s a questionnaire.
What? Weird. I wasn’t expecting that. Okay, so, it probably just asks the questions I prepared answers to, maybe with slightly different tacks, and a curveball or two.
… Well, there was definitely a curveball.
The inquiries were more like interview questions, including one asking about weaknesses (and none asking specifically about strengths). I wrote up answers, walked away, and returned to entirely rewrite them. I spent hours on a question just to re-read it to determine I didn’t answer the question so much as I dodged it, re-writing it to answer properly. The question I took the longest time contemplating was the final, open-ended, “what else should we know?” Everything. If you knew what I know, you wouldn’t waste time with any other candidates.
Instead of spending about a day on it, I spent about three: I read through the questions to figure out what I was getting into and walked away for the day; I started responding and learned I hadn’t reflected enough yet; I pondered more; I returned to the active process and worked late into the night to get some semblance of answer down so I had something to change rather than fight with a blank-but-for-inquiry sheet. Her future depended on this, and I struggled to make sure she got the best recommendation I could provide.
Today, I submitted my work. Then I went to meet her in person, unannounced, to deliver a courtesy copy.
She wasn’t expecting me, but she made time to talk with me for nearly two hours. This is a woman with a family, and a full career (and a half – one full time, one part time), and I just knocked on her office door to deliver a courtesy copy, at which time she insisted I sit down to talk with her, to catch up. We traded war stories, enjoyed each others’ company, and just chatted.
At one point, she thanked me repeatedly for taking the time to write this recommendation. (I didn’t tell her how much effort it took for me to get it right.) I thanked her for allowing me to write it; it granted me an opportunity for a shift from the “woe-is-me” job search mindset to an attitude of gratitude. I spent the entire time working on the recommendation thinking about how wonderful it was to have worked with her, how she has impacted my life, and how much the hiring group has to gain from hiring her. There was so much to be grateful for just because I was able to learn from and work with her.
Being able to take advantage of such an opportunity – to support someone who may need it with words of well-deserved encouragement – is truly a blessing. I hope others have the same opportunity and feel the same warmth as a result.
