Be the Light You Need

Have you ever had one of those days where it felt like, even though you were diligent and persistent and insightful and thorough and working your hardest, you seemed to be beating your head on a telephone pole as you stumbled around it? You know, like you’re going in circles and simultaneously running into a wall but you neither recognize the circle nor the wall until the reality crashes into you like a baby grand piano dropped off the skyscraper overhead?

So that was kind of me today. I thought I was doing great – until I got a call insisting I should have waited on sending something out. (Oddly enough, there were no criticisms of the work itself, and I couldn’t find anything I would have done differently after our conversation.) Then this little nitpick, and that little slight, and … was that a test to see if I was paying attention? Seriously?

A lot of little things built up today. As soon as I had a small pile, I took a deep breath and told myself that at least at the end of the day, I would have a little bit of time to talk to a particular friend who is excellent at cheering me up. Then, it hit me: not tonight – I have a commitment. I felt torn. I really wanted to talk to my friend, but I had a rare invitation to Mass in the middle of the corona-crazy. I couldn’t miss Mass. For a plethora of reasons, I couldn’t miss Mass.

So I ended my workday a little deflated; I tend to assume I can get everything in, but that wasn’t happening today.

Except it did.

After I return from Mass, I noticed he was still online. Weird. A little late. I pinged him to see what was up, and we started chatting. Altruistically, I pointed out the time, and I was grateful when he said he was staying up a little later tonight.

We chatted and played a game together, talking life and work and monotony and trials and tribulations as we fought bosses and their minions. Even though he’d had a rather rough day, it made me feel better just listening to him, connecting with him. In some ways, I can’t comprehend the issues he’s having. But in some respects, I know them all too well.

After a while, he sighs, clearly exhausted. “Alright. I really gotta get some sleep. Thanks for talking with me; you cheered me up.”

Me?! Cheered you up?

I was delighted I could be that person for him, that light shining through one of the tiny peepholes atop a deep, dank tunnel. But was I? What did I even do? Not even; let’s be real: he cheered me up just by talking to me, not to mention the content included some interest-piquing topics. You did what now? Aww, it’s so kind that you helped her out like that.

Whatever the reasons, we were both in the right place at the right time to properly help each other without it costing anything at all to ourselves. (… Okay, maybe it cost the sleep we each would have otherwise gotten. Fair play.) We each helped the other and the person offering didn’t lose anything for it. In fact, we each clearly gained from the experience.

When is the last time you did something so you could be rejuvenated but instead helped to rejuvenate someone else and came out feeling invigorated?