Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
– Womaze app quote of the day
It’s so much better than not trying.
Today of all days, this was the quote from the Womaze app. I’m working on multiple projects right now, none of which I’m particularly confident in, and this happened to populate on my phone as I was crafting an email basically cold-contacting someone (it was a lukewarm armstretch) which I was particularly nervous about as I was thinking about my big task of the day, a recommendation response to specific inquiries (two of which I truly don’t have answers for), and the task I really wanted to get done but wasn’t sure I’d have time given the other tasks with solid deadlines – posting my first featured teaser, already written but in need of a tweak, which I was worried would offset people when that’s not remotely the intent of the post. And this doesn’t even cover the in-person tasks on my calendar which all happened to put me on edge because of the natures of them.
All of these thoughts are going through my mind when this quote pops up on my phone.
One better: all of the in-person events went well, better than I’d thought to hope. I had a meeting in the morning and went to my old school between that and the training session in the evening. We left the previous meeting with questions; as the table leader, I researched them and returned with answers. I was so nervous I couldn’t spit out half the words I was trying to communicate; however, the point still got across, and one of our other team members made the entire concern moot.
Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
– Psalm 31:24
all you who wait for the Lord!
Then I left to find a quiet place to get some work done. Normally, I wouldn’t mind hiding in a park for a couple of hours, but I needed to work on that recommendation on my laptop and little flecks of water continuously floated through the air. Instead, I opted for my old school, perhaps a corner in the library. But I had my doubts: what if they said I wasn’t allowed because I wasn’t a current student? I almost drove to the mall, but that would have taken an extra ten minutes and half-gallon or more of gas. When I arrived at the school, it took me an extra few minutes to “check my phone” before getting out of the car. I finally ambled up the path, up the steps, and through the main doorway; once inside, I ran into someone I visited relatively frequently. Out of nervousness, I asked if I could speak with her; she had a meeting, asking if I needed her to bump it before I had a chance to tell her I was here for the library and just wanted to say hello because I saw her. She accepted the compliment, then graciously bowed out of the conversation, saying, “You know where the library is. They know you; they’ll let you in.” True: nobody even looked up at me as I made my way to a quiet table on the nearly-vacant third-floor open space.
Finally, we get to the training. I’ve done this specific training several times, and even though it’s a wonderfully uplifting session, I’m always worried that I’m going to mess it up. Every single time. Tonight, our icebreaker was to pick one of the Saints we would choose to meet in person and why we selected that one. I don’t know who most of the Saints are, nor do I tend to ask for anyone to intercede on my behalf. (Except Saint Michael, but he’s an archangel, so I wasn’t sure he counted.) So I felt like a failure of a Catholic… until someone I greatly admire for her faith and deeds said she didn’t know any saints, except maybe one who, has the canonization process finalized? Oh, good, so yeah, one.
Similarly, the one I specifically thought of was someone I didn’t know his “status,” if you will: was Father Maximillian Kolbe ever canonized? (There was an express statement that the person we chose had to be a Saint – recognized as such by the Catholic church.) I didn’t know and wasn’t about to say as much, despite being drawn to think about him. Rather nervously, I instead mentioned one of my favorite people whom I wasn’t sure was canonized, either, but if he wasn’t, I was ready to make the case for him right then and there: Saint Pope John Paul II. (And yes, both Father Maximilian Kolbe and Pope John Paul II are Saints.)
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be in dread of them: for it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.
– Deuteronomy 31:6
Fast forward a little: prayer time. This is all well and good – so long as I don’t have to lead. Well, the point of these training sessions are to teach us to lead prayer specifically for praying over people. We practice on each other before the big event. We’re in groups of three; my group: our training leader, the friend I mentioned earlier, and me. My friend sits down, asking for courage; the training leader led the prayer over her. Then it’s my turn; I ask for courage and fortitude. My friend calls for the Holy Spirit to come, then the training leader launches into prayer asking for the courage of Father Maximilian Kolbe.
I may not feel ready to talk about which Saint is my favorite, but I think the Holy Spirit is being pretty clear that I’m set for this event that we spent the evening training for. And the email I sent earlier. And the recommendation I need to submit tomorrow. And, and, and…
It’s not me, Lord, it’s You; grant me to remember this so I may also have Your peace. Amen!
